Why do I get so Jealous...

Rant about more personal issues :D | Dec 5 2024

whyy do I always feel so jealous of others around me? I always feel some sort of dissatisfaction with myself whenever I see others with the desires that I seek. I have lots of examples of this.

I love talking to transgirls online. you can imagine why I do, it's so I can feel a sense of relatability between them and myself. however, I sadly get jealous of other transgirls quite easily. take for example I find a transgirl online and we get to talking and I find out she has gotten estrogen and been able to transition for a few months now. unfortunately for myself, this piece of information usually won't sit well in my mind. I'll keep comparing myself to them and be ashamed of myself that I wasn't able to obtain a simple medication.

it doesn't even take body goals for me to get jealous either. when I saw that my friends online were able to get partners of their own and have long and loving relationships with them, I also got jealous of this and could not stop thinking about it. I compared it to my, at the time, lonely self and how I have nobody to love me. I kept thinking about the relationship and how desperately I wanted to be in one.

both of these examples show that I have unhealthy obsessions in my mind that are only cured through obtaining those things. I assume this is normal for most humans out there, but it seems quite amplified in effect for me.

I just feel so insecure about myself almost all the time. I wish I had a larger sense of self-confidence and direction in my life.